What scares you? Honestly.

  So today the question was asked in Sunday School, "What scares you?"

  Hmmmmmmmmm, What scares me? Immediately my mind starts racing, trying to figure this out.  I'm thinking back to when I was young and everything that scared me...........the dark, everyone other than my family (I was VERY shy as a child), my great Uncle Troy (by the way cow bites hurt!), coyotes/wild dogs (we lived in the country)......As you get older some of your fears go away or change.  Such as, I am no longer scared of the dark, fearful of strangers (all though I am still shy), I realized my Uncle Troy was just ornery and I miss him, and well I got used to the coyotes.  Now my fears are different.

  As the question went around the room I listened to the varying responses and reasoning.  All different and yet legitimate fears.  When I came to me my immediate response was loss, I am scared of loss.  I fear losing those who mean the most to me.  In '93, just before I graduated high school, I lost my Grandma Henderson who I admired most in my life.  In '99 I lost my first son, Peyton, to SIDS just three days after my 24th birthday.  Then I lost one of my best friends, Wendy, to breast cancer in 2006.  Now there were family members in between those years but there were the most important ones in my life.  Of course this goes beyond just dying.  It encompasses the loss of friendships and relationships I have developed over the years.

  So, as a result of this simple three word question I have been thinking all day of what TRULY scares me.  The biggest fear I have at the moment is not being able to work in ministry again.  There was a time I couldn't see myself in any type of ministry.  That was until about four years ago when I felt God calling me to work with teens along side my husband.  It was pretty much over from there.  After a couple of years working along side my husband I watched as our youth ministry flourished in God and Jaret became an ordained pastor.  Then I felt a tug on my heart to begin doing girls ministry but in my true-to-form-shy-nature I pushed it to the side knowing that this would be something I would have to start with out the protective wings of my husband.

  I remember like yesterday when I knew for sure I would start in girls ministry!  It was at SYMC 2010 while sitting in the middle of a workshop on mentoring, listening to a woman from Group publishing talking about doing a girls bible study.  I had closed my eyes and began rubbing my temples from the information overload when I heard in my head, "Jody this is where I want you to start. Right here and now."  That was the beginning of girls ministry for me.  God had started planning a wonderful journey myself and several other women of varying ages.  It was soon after starting this girls bible study, Designed To Shine, that I felt called to quit my job that I had worked the last twelve years.  So in December 2010 I quit my job with the school district with the intention of working in ministry along side my husband at our church and building the girls ministry.  Then in January 2011 something happened that would rock our entire plan, we lost our position in that church.  Talk about fear and being scared!  Now we were both without jobs and without a ministry.

  Now here I sit watching my husband go off to a job he really doesn't like and longing to do what God has called him to do.  Don't get me wrong I am extremely grateful and thankful for the job he has right now but I also know where his heart is.  As for myself, well, I feel guilty that I am not working outside the home even though I feel this is where God wants me.  I truly miss doing ministry full time and I do fear that we may never do ministry again.  However, I also have come to the realization that I must give my fears over to God if I am to overcome them.  There is a reason God has put us on this path we are walking.  So I continue to pray daily that God lead us on our journey and that we will know when He speaks to us.  That God move us to where He wants us next.

Psalm 34:4 (NIV)

 ⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13(NIV)

¹³ For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 43:1 (NIV)

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.