My First Women Of Faith 2011 - Indianapolis

  I recently attended my first Women of Faith conference w/ a great group of women! Now I almost didn't go but because I have a couple of wonderful Monkey girlfriends (I will explain monkeys later), a great Godly husband, and a God who loves my broken self, I went and had an amazing God-filled, healing experience.  Now to explain the "monkey" comment.........One of the first speakers we listened to was Dr. Henry Cloud (he is a Christian, Psychologist, & an author) and he was telling us how we need to be sure we have people in our lives to support/encourage us. The example he gave was of an experiment involving monkeys many years ago. They put a single monkey in a room, in a cage and began to flash bright lights repeatedly along with loud music and noises. They were literally scaring these monkeys to death. They were measuring the monkey stress levels and how the brain reacted to these stressful situations. Now the amazing thing was when they put their monkey buddy in the cage with them (all the while the stressors still going on) the original monkey began to calm down and was less scared/stressed. So all weekend we were calling one another monkeys. We all need our monkeys in our corner and we need multiple monkeys for different situations.

  Now through out the weekend I was texting little tid bits of information to my husband. Things I thought might be encouraging to him.  As we began our trip home I just couldn't wait to tell my husband all about my phenomenal weekend, I was so filled with joy and on fire! I had fallen in love all over again with God, something I thought was a long way off after the year my family has endured.  God has a way of bringing you back around to him when you least expect it. I felt like I was back on a very blessed road and for the first time I really felt like God was calling me into another part of ministry besides youth ministry with my husband. Although I don't know yet just what that ministry is, I do know that God has a plan for me.

  So, we get back into town and Cheri gives me a ride home but nobody was there. My husband was still up at the shop helping his buddy with his jeep (they were doing an engine swap while I was at W.O.F.) and as we pulled up I saw my children covered in brake dust and whatever else was in the shop and my husband kneeling on the floor in front of a jeep in the air. Uh Oh this can't be a good sign! It wasn't and I began to feel as though my "joy" from Women of Faith might just slip away but when my husband saw me his mood began to change. Whew! Thank you Dear God! My husband cleaned up and I took my unrecognizable boys & my tired husband home. As a side note I had to chuckle at the fact the my blond hair boy looked as though he had gotten caught in a dust bowl and his little brother was equally as covered but when they saw me they ran to me and gave me one of the biggest hugs I had gotten from them in a long time.  I just happened to be wearing a white shirt that now had dirty had prints all over it, I could even see the imprint of their little faces. Man, I was glad to be home!  

 Quick showers and off to bed they went and I was able to begin telling my husband of the wonderful realizations I had come to see.  See this last year has been very difficult on our family and I was just ready to start healing from all this hurt and pain.  Women of Faith allowed me that and i was able to learn how to prune certain things out of my life and move on.  I learned that in order for you to have the tomorrow God has for you that it is necessary for you to leave where you were at yesterday.   "You can't go to God's Promise Land and still take Sodom and Gomorrah with you."  That was probably one of the biggest issues I had been having. I wanted to hold on to yesterday, what we had at our previous church where my husband was an associate minister/youth pastor but it was fruitless for me to hold onto that any longer.  While I still struggle with my feeling/emotions regarding all that has happened I don't long to be there because I know that God has a different path for us.  I'm pretty sure at this point I was just talking in my sleep so off to bed we went.

  Sunday started out well. We were fixing a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast for the jr/sr high Sunday school class.  Jaret & I were doing what we love to do serving Christ and youth at the same time. I was still feeling as though I was on a mountain top from my weekend. We made it through the service and afterward I was meeting a mom and daughter from our old youth group to catch up. Well, I think my husband had forgotten and was trying to make lunch plans but it was already 12:15 and I was meeting them at 1 so lunch plans were out the door. The start of Satan trying to kill my joy, we recouped from that and went home to fix lunch for Jaret and the boys, then I was off to my coffee date.  Jaret was supposed to be back at the shop to help with the jeep again, I thought at three, so I had plenty of time.  OH NO! Apparently he was supposed to be there between 2 and 2:30 and I wasn't back to take him up there. Now normally he could've just taken the motorcycle but he had our boys too.  So they got on their bikes and road there. Now somewhere in there Jaret tried to call me but I didn't see/hear/feel my phone go off as it was in my purse so that was another thing to add to the list for Satan to steal my joy.  I met my husband and children on their way to the shop and pulled in where, unfortunately, an argument ensued because I wasn't being mindful of what was going on. Now I won't go into the details of it all but Satan was really working hard to kill me here and he had almost won but eventually I walked away from it and cried my way home. 

  Now in true me fashion I retreated to my front porch haven, calmed down, and began to read "Fresh-Brewed Life" by Nicole Johnson that I had gotten at WOF and I didn't text my husband at all till he decided he was calm enough to text me.  He apologized, I said it was ok....work on the jeep.....I'm a big girl.....I'll be just fine. (yes those were my exact words to him)  I read a couple chapters and then it was really time to fix supper for the kids and.  Knowing that Jaret would be late getting home I began watching an old season of Hell's Kitchen, then he calls, and it was a normal call but somehow it turned into rehashing what had happened that afternoon.  We hang up, he gets home, and it all starts again!  Thank you Satan, THERE GOES MY JOY!!

  By this time I'm getting upset again and I was SO hoping we could have a good night once he got home. I had planned on catching up on some episodes we had missed and snuggling on the love seat together......that was down the drain. Come to find out that one of the boys had messed with the oil gun on Saturday night and had gotten oil all over the floor.  The boys were in bed but not asleep so my husband went in to find out who the culprit was, finally one of them confesses but after a couple of I don't knows and a but I didn't make a mess.  Jaret came out and asked me what I wanted to do.......To which I said, "I don't know I wasn't there remember. What do you want me to do about it?"  This, by the way, WAS THE WRONG ANSWER!!  Cue argument. Another battle has started and by now all my joy was gone and the fire I felt from the weekend was gone, squelched, eradicated in one, ok, two fell swoops.

  Mean and hurtful things were said, more tears were shed, and I once again hated myself -- I never should have left for the weekend -- I blamed myself  -- Blamed myself for the past 9 months, for my husband losing his ministry position, for my family's unhappiness, for my wavering faith, for my husband being someplace he doesn't feel called.  IF I HADN'T LEFT FOR THE WEEKEND WE WOULDN'T BE FIGHTING LIKE THIS!  Isn't it amazing what Satan puts into your head to keep you and your faith in the basement?!? It finally calmed down and apologies were made - again.  We watched some t.v. and went to bed.

  We have since recovered from our Sunday afternoon/evening blow up.  I have in fact regained my fire and joy from the weekend but Satan is still trying to put that fire out in me. There is always something running through my mind as I am my own worst enemy, my own worst critic.  In the time that I have come home from Women of Faith I have started journal that I write in a few times a day or whenever I feel the need.  Thank you Dolo (another of my monkeys) for surprising me with it over the weekend and I am reading, "Fresh-Brewed Life" by Nicole Johnson. These things alone have helped me greatly in staying focused on God and my task at hand which is traveling the path God has for me. 

This is one of my favorite verses, especially in times like this because I know only God can take this away form me and help me to keep my fire lit.................

“Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup of suffering from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:36

This was an amazing weekend for me. I experienced the start of the delicate process of healing from a huge hurt and intense pain.  I did a lot of crying out to God for help, a lot of tears were shed for those in my life and for myself.  I let go of the past so I can have the future God intended for me. So thank you to Cheri and Dolo for not giving up on me in my stubbornness and getting me to Women of Faith, to my husband for arranging everything for the kids so i could be gone that weekend, Thank you to the wonderful women who spoke at Women of Faith you truly touched my life and changed my heart.  Most of all thank you God for not giving up on me, for loving me even when I felt unlovable.

What scares you? Honestly.

  So today the question was asked in Sunday School, "What scares you?"

  Hmmmmmmmmm, What scares me? Immediately my mind starts racing, trying to figure this out.  I'm thinking back to when I was young and everything that scared me...........the dark, everyone other than my family (I was VERY shy as a child), my great Uncle Troy (by the way cow bites hurt!), coyotes/wild dogs (we lived in the country)......As you get older some of your fears go away or change.  Such as, I am no longer scared of the dark, fearful of strangers (all though I am still shy), I realized my Uncle Troy was just ornery and I miss him, and well I got used to the coyotes.  Now my fears are different.

  As the question went around the room I listened to the varying responses and reasoning.  All different and yet legitimate fears.  When I came to me my immediate response was loss, I am scared of loss.  I fear losing those who mean the most to me.  In '93, just before I graduated high school, I lost my Grandma Henderson who I admired most in my life.  In '99 I lost my first son, Peyton, to SIDS just three days after my 24th birthday.  Then I lost one of my best friends, Wendy, to breast cancer in 2006.  Now there were family members in between those years but there were the most important ones in my life.  Of course this goes beyond just dying.  It encompasses the loss of friendships and relationships I have developed over the years.

  So, as a result of this simple three word question I have been thinking all day of what TRULY scares me.  The biggest fear I have at the moment is not being able to work in ministry again.  There was a time I couldn't see myself in any type of ministry.  That was until about four years ago when I felt God calling me to work with teens along side my husband.  It was pretty much over from there.  After a couple of years working along side my husband I watched as our youth ministry flourished in God and Jaret became an ordained pastor.  Then I felt a tug on my heart to begin doing girls ministry but in my true-to-form-shy-nature I pushed it to the side knowing that this would be something I would have to start with out the protective wings of my husband.

  I remember like yesterday when I knew for sure I would start in girls ministry!  It was at SYMC 2010 while sitting in the middle of a workshop on mentoring, listening to a woman from Group publishing talking about doing a girls bible study.  I had closed my eyes and began rubbing my temples from the information overload when I heard in my head, "Jody this is where I want you to start. Right here and now."  That was the beginning of girls ministry for me.  God had started planning a wonderful journey myself and several other women of varying ages.  It was soon after starting this girls bible study, Designed To Shine, that I felt called to quit my job that I had worked the last twelve years.  So in December 2010 I quit my job with the school district with the intention of working in ministry along side my husband at our church and building the girls ministry.  Then in January 2011 something happened that would rock our entire plan, we lost our position in that church.  Talk about fear and being scared!  Now we were both without jobs and without a ministry.

  Now here I sit watching my husband go off to a job he really doesn't like and longing to do what God has called him to do.  Don't get me wrong I am extremely grateful and thankful for the job he has right now but I also know where his heart is.  As for myself, well, I feel guilty that I am not working outside the home even though I feel this is where God wants me.  I truly miss doing ministry full time and I do fear that we may never do ministry again.  However, I also have come to the realization that I must give my fears over to God if I am to overcome them.  There is a reason God has put us on this path we are walking.  So I continue to pray daily that God lead us on our journey and that we will know when He speaks to us.  That God move us to where He wants us next.

Psalm 34:4 (NIV)

 ⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13(NIV)

¹³ For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 43:1 (NIV)

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.