My First Women Of Faith 2011 - Indianapolis

  I recently attended my first Women of Faith conference w/ a great group of women! Now I almost didn't go but because I have a couple of wonderful Monkey girlfriends (I will explain monkeys later), a great Godly husband, and a God who loves my broken self, I went and had an amazing God-filled, healing experience.  Now to explain the "monkey" comment.........One of the first speakers we listened to was Dr. Henry Cloud (he is a Christian, Psychologist, & an author) and he was telling us how we need to be sure we have people in our lives to support/encourage us. The example he gave was of an experiment involving monkeys many years ago. They put a single monkey in a room, in a cage and began to flash bright lights repeatedly along with loud music and noises. They were literally scaring these monkeys to death. They were measuring the monkey stress levels and how the brain reacted to these stressful situations. Now the amazing thing was when they put their monkey buddy in the cage with them (all the while the stressors still going on) the original monkey began to calm down and was less scared/stressed. So all weekend we were calling one another monkeys. We all need our monkeys in our corner and we need multiple monkeys for different situations.

  Now through out the weekend I was texting little tid bits of information to my husband. Things I thought might be encouraging to him.  As we began our trip home I just couldn't wait to tell my husband all about my phenomenal weekend, I was so filled with joy and on fire! I had fallen in love all over again with God, something I thought was a long way off after the year my family has endured.  God has a way of bringing you back around to him when you least expect it. I felt like I was back on a very blessed road and for the first time I really felt like God was calling me into another part of ministry besides youth ministry with my husband. Although I don't know yet just what that ministry is, I do know that God has a plan for me.

  So, we get back into town and Cheri gives me a ride home but nobody was there. My husband was still up at the shop helping his buddy with his jeep (they were doing an engine swap while I was at W.O.F.) and as we pulled up I saw my children covered in brake dust and whatever else was in the shop and my husband kneeling on the floor in front of a jeep in the air. Uh Oh this can't be a good sign! It wasn't and I began to feel as though my "joy" from Women of Faith might just slip away but when my husband saw me his mood began to change. Whew! Thank you Dear God! My husband cleaned up and I took my unrecognizable boys & my tired husband home. As a side note I had to chuckle at the fact the my blond hair boy looked as though he had gotten caught in a dust bowl and his little brother was equally as covered but when they saw me they ran to me and gave me one of the biggest hugs I had gotten from them in a long time.  I just happened to be wearing a white shirt that now had dirty had prints all over it, I could even see the imprint of their little faces. Man, I was glad to be home!  

 Quick showers and off to bed they went and I was able to begin telling my husband of the wonderful realizations I had come to see.  See this last year has been very difficult on our family and I was just ready to start healing from all this hurt and pain.  Women of Faith allowed me that and i was able to learn how to prune certain things out of my life and move on.  I learned that in order for you to have the tomorrow God has for you that it is necessary for you to leave where you were at yesterday.   "You can't go to God's Promise Land and still take Sodom and Gomorrah with you."  That was probably one of the biggest issues I had been having. I wanted to hold on to yesterday, what we had at our previous church where my husband was an associate minister/youth pastor but it was fruitless for me to hold onto that any longer.  While I still struggle with my feeling/emotions regarding all that has happened I don't long to be there because I know that God has a different path for us.  I'm pretty sure at this point I was just talking in my sleep so off to bed we went.

  Sunday started out well. We were fixing a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast for the jr/sr high Sunday school class.  Jaret & I were doing what we love to do serving Christ and youth at the same time. I was still feeling as though I was on a mountain top from my weekend. We made it through the service and afterward I was meeting a mom and daughter from our old youth group to catch up. Well, I think my husband had forgotten and was trying to make lunch plans but it was already 12:15 and I was meeting them at 1 so lunch plans were out the door. The start of Satan trying to kill my joy, we recouped from that and went home to fix lunch for Jaret and the boys, then I was off to my coffee date.  Jaret was supposed to be back at the shop to help with the jeep again, I thought at three, so I had plenty of time.  OH NO! Apparently he was supposed to be there between 2 and 2:30 and I wasn't back to take him up there. Now normally he could've just taken the motorcycle but he had our boys too.  So they got on their bikes and road there. Now somewhere in there Jaret tried to call me but I didn't see/hear/feel my phone go off as it was in my purse so that was another thing to add to the list for Satan to steal my joy.  I met my husband and children on their way to the shop and pulled in where, unfortunately, an argument ensued because I wasn't being mindful of what was going on. Now I won't go into the details of it all but Satan was really working hard to kill me here and he had almost won but eventually I walked away from it and cried my way home. 

  Now in true me fashion I retreated to my front porch haven, calmed down, and began to read "Fresh-Brewed Life" by Nicole Johnson that I had gotten at WOF and I didn't text my husband at all till he decided he was calm enough to text me.  He apologized, I said it was ok....work on the jeep.....I'm a big girl.....I'll be just fine. (yes those were my exact words to him)  I read a couple chapters and then it was really time to fix supper for the kids and.  Knowing that Jaret would be late getting home I began watching an old season of Hell's Kitchen, then he calls, and it was a normal call but somehow it turned into rehashing what had happened that afternoon.  We hang up, he gets home, and it all starts again!  Thank you Satan, THERE GOES MY JOY!!

  By this time I'm getting upset again and I was SO hoping we could have a good night once he got home. I had planned on catching up on some episodes we had missed and snuggling on the love seat together......that was down the drain. Come to find out that one of the boys had messed with the oil gun on Saturday night and had gotten oil all over the floor.  The boys were in bed but not asleep so my husband went in to find out who the culprit was, finally one of them confesses but after a couple of I don't knows and a but I didn't make a mess.  Jaret came out and asked me what I wanted to do.......To which I said, "I don't know I wasn't there remember. What do you want me to do about it?"  This, by the way, WAS THE WRONG ANSWER!!  Cue argument. Another battle has started and by now all my joy was gone and the fire I felt from the weekend was gone, squelched, eradicated in one, ok, two fell swoops.

  Mean and hurtful things were said, more tears were shed, and I once again hated myself -- I never should have left for the weekend -- I blamed myself  -- Blamed myself for the past 9 months, for my husband losing his ministry position, for my family's unhappiness, for my wavering faith, for my husband being someplace he doesn't feel called.  IF I HADN'T LEFT FOR THE WEEKEND WE WOULDN'T BE FIGHTING LIKE THIS!  Isn't it amazing what Satan puts into your head to keep you and your faith in the basement?!? It finally calmed down and apologies were made - again.  We watched some t.v. and went to bed.

  We have since recovered from our Sunday afternoon/evening blow up.  I have in fact regained my fire and joy from the weekend but Satan is still trying to put that fire out in me. There is always something running through my mind as I am my own worst enemy, my own worst critic.  In the time that I have come home from Women of Faith I have started journal that I write in a few times a day or whenever I feel the need.  Thank you Dolo (another of my monkeys) for surprising me with it over the weekend and I am reading, "Fresh-Brewed Life" by Nicole Johnson. These things alone have helped me greatly in staying focused on God and my task at hand which is traveling the path God has for me. 

This is one of my favorite verses, especially in times like this because I know only God can take this away form me and help me to keep my fire lit.................

“Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup of suffering from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:36

This was an amazing weekend for me. I experienced the start of the delicate process of healing from a huge hurt and intense pain.  I did a lot of crying out to God for help, a lot of tears were shed for those in my life and for myself.  I let go of the past so I can have the future God intended for me. So thank you to Cheri and Dolo for not giving up on me in my stubbornness and getting me to Women of Faith, to my husband for arranging everything for the kids so i could be gone that weekend, Thank you to the wonderful women who spoke at Women of Faith you truly touched my life and changed my heart.  Most of all thank you God for not giving up on me, for loving me even when I felt unlovable.

What scares you? Honestly.

  So today the question was asked in Sunday School, "What scares you?"

  Hmmmmmmmmm, What scares me? Immediately my mind starts racing, trying to figure this out.  I'm thinking back to when I was young and everything that scared me...........the dark, everyone other than my family (I was VERY shy as a child), my great Uncle Troy (by the way cow bites hurt!), coyotes/wild dogs (we lived in the country)......As you get older some of your fears go away or change.  Such as, I am no longer scared of the dark, fearful of strangers (all though I am still shy), I realized my Uncle Troy was just ornery and I miss him, and well I got used to the coyotes.  Now my fears are different.

  As the question went around the room I listened to the varying responses and reasoning.  All different and yet legitimate fears.  When I came to me my immediate response was loss, I am scared of loss.  I fear losing those who mean the most to me.  In '93, just before I graduated high school, I lost my Grandma Henderson who I admired most in my life.  In '99 I lost my first son, Peyton, to SIDS just three days after my 24th birthday.  Then I lost one of my best friends, Wendy, to breast cancer in 2006.  Now there were family members in between those years but there were the most important ones in my life.  Of course this goes beyond just dying.  It encompasses the loss of friendships and relationships I have developed over the years.

  So, as a result of this simple three word question I have been thinking all day of what TRULY scares me.  The biggest fear I have at the moment is not being able to work in ministry again.  There was a time I couldn't see myself in any type of ministry.  That was until about four years ago when I felt God calling me to work with teens along side my husband.  It was pretty much over from there.  After a couple of years working along side my husband I watched as our youth ministry flourished in God and Jaret became an ordained pastor.  Then I felt a tug on my heart to begin doing girls ministry but in my true-to-form-shy-nature I pushed it to the side knowing that this would be something I would have to start with out the protective wings of my husband.

  I remember like yesterday when I knew for sure I would start in girls ministry!  It was at SYMC 2010 while sitting in the middle of a workshop on mentoring, listening to a woman from Group publishing talking about doing a girls bible study.  I had closed my eyes and began rubbing my temples from the information overload when I heard in my head, "Jody this is where I want you to start. Right here and now."  That was the beginning of girls ministry for me.  God had started planning a wonderful journey myself and several other women of varying ages.  It was soon after starting this girls bible study, Designed To Shine, that I felt called to quit my job that I had worked the last twelve years.  So in December 2010 I quit my job with the school district with the intention of working in ministry along side my husband at our church and building the girls ministry.  Then in January 2011 something happened that would rock our entire plan, we lost our position in that church.  Talk about fear and being scared!  Now we were both without jobs and without a ministry.

  Now here I sit watching my husband go off to a job he really doesn't like and longing to do what God has called him to do.  Don't get me wrong I am extremely grateful and thankful for the job he has right now but I also know where his heart is.  As for myself, well, I feel guilty that I am not working outside the home even though I feel this is where God wants me.  I truly miss doing ministry full time and I do fear that we may never do ministry again.  However, I also have come to the realization that I must give my fears over to God if I am to overcome them.  There is a reason God has put us on this path we are walking.  So I continue to pray daily that God lead us on our journey and that we will know when He speaks to us.  That God move us to where He wants us next.

Psalm 34:4 (NIV)

 ⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13(NIV)

¹³ For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 43:1 (NIV)

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 

 

High's and Low's but God always prevails

  There is so much that has happened over the past several months since my last blog post. Sometimes I just haven't felt like posting anything and other times I have so much to say that I just can't get it out of my head or God tells me that it just isn't the right time to lay it all out there.  Well this is one of those times where He is telling me to not lay it all there but to just tell where I am at for the moment. 
  Jaret and I recently went to the SYMC (Simply Youth Ministry Conference) in Chicago along with about 3,000 other youth pastors/workers.  It was a phenomenal experience!! Just to be in one spot with so many Christians who are not only passionate about God but about our youth as well was amazing.  There were great speakers like Louie Giglio, Doug Fields, and Greg Steir. Wonderful entertainment like Tim Timmons, Gungor, Shand & Shane, and the OC Supertones. Certainly can't forget Eric Samuel Timm who paints such amazing, touching, thought provoking art work. 
  I went to SYMC this year with very fresh and open wounds on my heart.  Very much in transition in our lives at the moment, wondering where God was steering us and what path we should be traveling. We met some very wonderful people who have (whether they know it or not) helped us begin to heal.  I hope to be able to stay in contact with them.  What God did for us at the conference was, well lets just say I don't know when the last time I really felt God move the way I did that weekend! He reaffirmed to me that Jaret and I are meant for ministry.  Our wonderful experience wasn't without satan's attacks on us but the plus side here is we were amidst 3,000 other Christians who were readily available to pray for us & with us when we felt so vulnerable. 
  As with any Christian gathering where God is SO prevalent once you leave Satan starts his decent on many and the self-doubt begins to surface once again. I know for me it was coming back to our town and facing everything we have going on in our lives at the moment.  I know, I know everyone has trials in their lives they are facing.  One thing I know is that in all of this God has never left my side and through much of it all he has been carrying me on his shoulders so I can keep my head above water.
  When I begin to feel really overwhelmed I begin to pray and then my mind floods floods with all the teens we have helped, through God, come to know Christ.  The crazy lock-in's with 50-60 kids doing a city wide scavenger hunt and bigger/better game, playing lock-out at night and having to warn the neighbors so we wouldn't have the police called on us again, the Homeless Night where we walked from the church across town to do a service project and back again just before it started storming.  Everyone had made cardboard houses to sleep in that night, our own little shanty town that was demolished by the storm which led to an impromptu lock-in with a slip-n-slide in the fellowship hall! The late nights after youth group talking to teens about life and their futures till sometimes midnight.  The 2 a.m. texts when their worlds are falling apart.  The impromptu cook outs after church when my house was no where near presentable to have people over. All the football games spent standing down by the field so we could watch our dancers, cheerleaders, band members perform. Then loading up in the church van and heading over to Buffalo Wild Wings w/ close to 30 teens and their friends for 50 cent wings after wards.  The first retreat to Turkey Run, packing up all the food, equipment, and 27 teens, then finally getting there and unloading, getting cabin assignments, cooking & clean up assignments, starting our evening meal only to finish just before the first storm hit.  Playing frisbee in the pouring rain with everyone. Watching everyone pull together to help one team out to get things done, supporting each other, praying w/ each other and knowing God.  Although our canoeing trip was canceled due to all the rain everyone had a great time.  The parents calling us to "help" with their teen and opening up our home to kids whose parents needed a break from all the stress of raising a teen.  These are the moments that have made all of it worth it and that has helped us to know that God has really put us in the correct life profession.  It isn't a job or a career its a way of life that God has called us to and even in the in between times we will Shepherd and live for Him!

The not so boring......

  I never know what to title my blogs or how to say what I want to say or exactly how much to say.  See to me my life is boring, hectic, and crazy.  I would usually say there isn't much that goes on or is going on in my life but then again that means I am fibbing to myself.  My life is anything but boring!  When you are married to as Associate/Youth Pastor, have 4 kids, 2 dogs, and 30 - 50 youth ranging from 6th grade up to senior in high school life is anything but boring.  It can be entertaining, crazy, lovely, insane, dramatic, and wonderful but never EVER boring!
  Jaret has started taking courses through Moody Bible Institute.  I am extremely proud of him for taking this next step in his life.  I know God has wonderful plans for his future.  He recently gave the message at Central Community Church last Saturday evening service.  Our service times have switched to three services on Sunday's. A 9 am, 10:30 am, and 6 pm service all on Sunday nights.  The change seems to have transitioned smoothly. Since the church now has a service on Sunday nights AfterGlow, youth group, has had to find a new location to have group on Sunday nights.  Well that and we have just out grown our space, we now have 30 - 40 teens who regularly attend AfterGlow on Sunday evening.  Some of you reading this may be from the Mattoon area and remember the Time theater in town, AfterGlow is now meeting here.  Talk about walking down memory lane!
  Some of you might be wondering what AfterGlow stands for........Well let me see if I can elaborate.....After hearing of Christ / coming to know Christ we Go Light Our World.  So AfterGlow is the name of our youth ministry and our defining bible verse is 1 Timothy 4:12   Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.  AfterGlow has blossomed into a wonderful group of young Christians who not only support each other in their faith & in life but who are determined to spread the word of God to others their own age.  Many times it is through these young men and women I find the strength and courage to talk to others about Christ and the wonderful blessings He has bestowed on my family and I.  This exceptional group of teens has been a wonderful example for our own four children also.  I could not be happier or more proud of the kids than if they were my own flesh and blood.  Trust me I pray, love, & worry for them just as if they were my own.
  As for me, well my count down for leaving my current position with the school district is down to just the days now.  I have less than a months work of work days left and I have to say that it feels great!  I know that God is taking me down a much better path and has wonderful plans in store for me.  I am looking forward to working at the church with my husband and helping in his ministry, to being home with the kids, and focusing on what God wants for me.  December will be bittersweet......saying good~bye to a career I've worked for the last 12 yrs and hello to the wonderful surprises that lay ahead!

I Love This Life!

  So I realized today as I sat at my desk at work that it has been a while since I last posted anything on this blog.  About a month and a half to be exact.  There are so many "things" floating around in my head that it is hard to get everything in order.  While I love this life, this life is also extremely hectic and crazy, and I thank God daily for the blessings he has given us.
  Jaret has settled into his position as Associate Pastor/Youth Pastor and usually keeps pretty busy.  AfterGlow (youth group) has grown amazingly in the past months.  We are averaging 30 - 40 teens on Sunday nights, Praise God!  Please don't think it is about the numbers because it is not.  Each one of these special teens has a wonderful heart for God, some stronger in their walk than others but each of them supporting one another in their walks no matter how new or how experienced.  There has been so much going on with the group and I am so proud of the group as a whole.  They support a young girl from Columbia (through Compassion International) by the name of Yorsireth and they are working hard to keep up her support.  We are getting ready to send her and her family a gift for Christmas.
 As far as family news......... The kids are doing good in school and they are enjoying their school year.  Back in July we added a new puppy to our family, Thor who is a French Bulldog.  On Sept. 30th we had to put our 2-1/2 yr old English Bulldog, Frankie to sleep.  He had been sick for about 5 weeks and it was just to hard to watch him suffer any longer.  While we could have taken care of the blockage they found in his lower intestine, we didn't know what to do for his extra thick stomach lining and the vet would have had to do exploratory surgery.  At the time of our decision Frankie had not eaten anything in a week and was becoming increasingly week with each passing day.  While it was a very hard decision for Jaret and I to make because he was a big part of our family, we know that it was the right one for his sake.  I only have about 2 months and 1 week left till I am able to quit working for the school district.  I am planning on working with Jaret at Central Community, being home for my family, and helping out at the kids school in their classroom for parties and such.  The kids are so excited to have their mommy at home and that really warms my heart.  I thank God daily for the opportunities He is giving me!  Jaret is starting school through Moody Bible Institute the end of the month.
  October brings the fall, I love the fall season!  It also brings back so many memories.  October is SIDS/Infant Loss/Miscarriage Awareness Month.  On October 22 it will have been 11 yrs that my son Peyton went to Heaven because of SIDS.  Each year has gotten a little easier thanks to a loving / caring God, supportive family, and a husband who can just hold me and let me be upset when the moment hits.  While I miss my Jellybean greatly, I take great comfort in knowing he also helped to save a life in the midst of our sorrow.  God knew what he was doing when he sent me Peyton for almost 7 months and when He gave Maddie Grace his heart.
  I am going to try harder to post more often.

From "Job Oriented" to "Mom" to "God Follower"......I Love It

I find myself with so much so say but so few words to say it when I actually go to put it into print.  It has been a wild, crazy summer and while I have loved every minute of it I have found that it has slipped away from me all to fast! So I will recap from the start and try not to take too long, lol.  (Some of this may repeat from an earlier post, I apologize.)

In the beginning of June, Jaret finished his internship through Central Community Church and was ordained as a licensed pastor in the state of IL.  He quit his job at Midas after almost 7 years to go into full time ministry as an Associate Pastor/Youth Director at CCC. I am so proud of him for following what God is calling him to do in his life.  It is such a wonderful experience for the both of us because as much as he has grown in God, so have I. 

I began a Girls group Ministry at CCC in June.  Wow, was I scared but God knew what he was doing when he laid this group/study on my heart back in February.  Myself along with four other wonderful women of God  lead a bible study of 10-20 teenage girls and I think we learned as much as the girls did.  Watching these wonderful young women learn that God designed each of them unique and special to shine just for him was breath taking.  So many of the girls had major break through and have realized the God's plans are so much better than what we have planned for ourselves.  I am so proud of each one of them!

We were blessed once again to be able to go to Jamaica on a mission trip.  I have to say it felt like "going home" again.  I didn't realize just how much last year had impacted me till we landed in Jamaica again in July.  This year we built a house for a family with 3 teenage daughters.  Now a house to us has a living room, kitchen, bathroom, 2 or 3 bedrooms, etc.........but for them it is a one room (10' x 14') for 5 people......there was no kitchen, bedroom, or bathroom but to them is was a mansion!  God blessed our team with life long friendships and new family there.  if you ever have a chance o go on a mission trip to help others I highly suggest you take it.  Whether it is in the USA, Jamaica, Haiti, Dominican, or China I promise you God will not let you down.  It will change your life!

Over the last several months Jaret and I have been in prayer regarding my job.  I have felt a constant pull away from my current position over the last year.  It's funny how God seems to change everything you ever thought you knew about yourself when you let Him in completely.  God has answered us and in December I will be leaving my job and I will begin concentrating on my family and helping Jaret out at the church.  I am so excited!  I am also planning on going back to school but we will see where God leads us.

Our children have been pretty busy this summer as well, mainly just being kids as they should.  It's so great to be able to spend time with our children and not have to worry about the next errand or appointment to run to.  To laugh with them, play in the fountain with them, go get ice cream together, play on the slip-n-slide together.  Which by the way I highly recommend doing if you haven't in a while, I had forgotten just how much FUN they were!  I loved being a stay-at-home mommy!  As school starts back up we now have 2 - 4th graders, a 3rd grader, and a 1st grader.  Colin is 10 yrs old now, Hannah is 9 yrs old,  David is 8 yrs old, and Faith is now 6 yrs old.  We have a very full house and I LOVE IT!

I think I will call it a night at this point till I get the rest of my thoughts in order.  Till then I have to say not only do I love being a mommy but I love being a pastor's wife as well.  God really knows what he is doing even when we think it's crazy!

I Love This Life!

Wed AfterGlow and Designed To Shine

Tonight was the last Wed evening AfterGlow event before school starts back on Aug. 16th.  Some of the AfterGlow members went to Megan's house for a swim party, we also celebrated Sean's birthday.  It was great to just get together and act like goofballs!  Thanks to Megan and Sam for opening up their pool to us.  We had a great group tonight: Johnny, Reaghan, Alex, Blake, Carrie, Suzie, Emmy, Kyle, Sean, Josh, and Zac. Then of course you add Jaret and I, along with our 2 boys, to the mix and the pool was pretty full.  It was a great way for AfterGlow to end their summer break.

We are also coming up on our last night of Designed To Shine girl's bible study.  Just two more nights after tonight.  This is the first study that I have done and I think it has gone well.  While we started out with 19 girls, it had become a smaller more intimate group but this is a group of girls that I feel have gotten pretty close and have grown to rely on each other and that warms my heart.  I have enjoyed watching the girls grow in God and I see them getting a better/closer relationship each week. 

I am hoping to recap the summer for AfterGlow soon.  Right now I just don't have all the words.

1 Timothy 4:12